so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
