my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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