at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When are your genitals available?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
