Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
