Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
time to smoke my breakfast
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
