hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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