i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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