getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
