You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
