i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
