you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
