I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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