How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
