Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
