Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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