Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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