i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
