I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
