I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
