Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
