That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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