i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
