Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
