About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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