i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
