So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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