You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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