Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
