they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
