On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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