this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize