Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
