No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
