I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
