I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
