The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
