I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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