so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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