Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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