I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
