Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
