This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
