Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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