I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
