I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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