Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
