Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I could fuck to npr.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
