I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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