i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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