Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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