I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
