Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
