I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
