are you so shy because you have an std?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
