i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
