i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
