ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
