um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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