Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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