just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
