can u get pink eye on your cock?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
