It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
