All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
