I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
