Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
