I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
