All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
