dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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