bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
