a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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