My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
