remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
