I showed him my bush... on skype.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
