I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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