Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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