Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
